I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
