wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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