someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
