I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
