the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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