Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
