just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
