I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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