I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
