Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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