I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
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I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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