The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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