I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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