I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
