So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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