At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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