yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
