My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
