If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
