My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
