he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
