You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
