ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
