u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
