the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
do herpes really smell.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
