You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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