You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
