Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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