No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
