Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
