you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
