Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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