i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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