Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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