My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
