I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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