My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
