Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
