Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
