his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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