well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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