who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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