hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am one with the molecules
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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