I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize