i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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