I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
