Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
