And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
