I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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