There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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