highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
