halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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