Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
