Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
