That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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