It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
