Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
