Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
