my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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