I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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