I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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