i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize