you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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