census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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