If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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