My liver just broke up with me...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
