i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
